Anxiety in People and Dogs: More Alike Than We Realize

Anxiety doesn’t look all that different between people and dogs. We pace, overthink, lose sleep, or avoid situations that feel overwhelming. It can manifest in our dog's behavior by them struggling to settle, freezing or barking at sudden noises, or withdrawing from situations that feel threatening. Their reactions may look very different from ours on the surface, but underneath, the patterns of stress and heightened arousal are remarkably alike.

Many people wonder if their own anxiety is causing their dog to "act out". The truth is, while we can definitely influence our dog’s emotional state, we’re almost never the only factor at play. Dogs have their own personalities, past experiences, and ways of processing stress that may or may not have anything to do with us. The good news is that understanding this connection can give us real insight into how to help both ourselves and our dogs manage anxiety more effectively.

Where Anxiety Comes From

Anxiety isn’t just in our head. It comes from a mix of:

• Genetics. Some people and some dogs are simply born more sensitive to their environments.

• Learned experiences. Early stress, trauma, or lack of support can shape our nervous systems to perceive the world around us as filled with potential threats. 

• Daily environment. Things like rest, routines, diet, hormones, and exercise play a huge role in how steady—or unsteady—our system feels.

When you put all of these factors together, it’s easy to see why both humans and dogs can become more reactive when situations feel unpredictable or overwhelming. This naturally leads into another important piece of the puzzle...

Anxiety and the Need for Control

Another piece to this puzzle is recognizing how often behaviors stemming from anxiety are really just about trying to get control of a situation, relationship, or of one's environment.

For people, this might look like snapping at a child who's acting rambunctious in public, leash correcting a dog out of desperation, or ending a relationship abruptly so we don’t risk being left first.

For dogs, it might look like barking at anyone who comes close, growling at the groomer, or repeating behaviors they’ve learned will create predictability—like jumping up because they know it leads to being told “sit”.

At the core, these aren’t “bad” behaviors. They’re behaviors wired to create more safety, control, and predictability in an otherwise threatening, confusing, or uncertain world. 

Practical Strategies to Ease Your Anxiety

In my most recent episode of The Co-Regulated K-9s Podcast, I sat down with my good friend and licensed therapist, Kelly McCoullough, to talk about the intersection of dog behavior problems and owner anxiety. Kelly shared some simple but powerful strategies that anyone can start practicing today:

1. Notice the first signs. Pay attention to early physical cues like tightening in your shoulders, shortened breath, a “drop” in your stomach, or a racing heart. You can also notice the first anxious thought pattern, such as “My dog will never be able to act normal on a walk” or “Everyone thinks I’m a bad dog mom.”
2. Challenge the narrative. Instead of feeding distortions like “I’ll never get this right” or “My dog will never change,” reframe the story. Try something more objective, such as “I’m learning something new and it’s challenging me to grow” or “My dog is capable of learning and is trying their best.”
3. Be aware of triggers. Caffeine, alcohol, sugar crashes, and lack of sleep can all spike anxiety symptoms. Beyond physiology, notice the life patterns that tend to fuel your anxiety, such as: running late, sitting in traffic, trying dating apps, or spending time with certain groups of people. Make adjustments to your routine to set you up for success more often than not.
4. Build resilience daily. Breathwork, grounding exercises, nature walks, healthy nutrition, movement, and mindfulness work best when practiced consistently, expanding your nervous system’s capacity for stress over time. Often times when people claim they don't work, it's because they are not practicing daily/weekly and only are "in the moment".

Why Your Emotional State Matters to Your Dog

Dogs are incredibly tuned in to the world around them, and they often look to us to gauge whether something is safe. When we’re anxious, even tiny changes in our body—like tense muscles, shallow breathing, or a racing heart—send signals they notice. If you’ve ever seen your dog whine more when you’re stressed, cling to you on overwhelming days, or act “off” after a tense argument, you’ve already witnessed just how connected we are.

Modern-day pet dogs often can’t fully meet their own needs—similar to children. Because of this, they can experience big feelings in response to everyday challenges. What we usually call “behavior problems” are often just these feelings showing up in ways we notice.

Living with a dog with behavior challenges can be tough. Maybe you avoid dating because you worry your dog might react to visitors. Maybe travel feels impossible because your dog panics when left alone. Or perhaps daily walks are stressful because your dog lunges and barks at everything. These challenges can take a real toll—not just on your schedule, but on your mental and emotional well-being too. 

Strengthening your resilience and self-regulation skills doesn’t just help you problem-solve more effectively, it also helps your dog feel more secure. When you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting, you create a space where your dog can settle and regulate themselves more easily. It’s not an instant fix, but practicing calm, deliberate responses can shift how tense situations unfold.

For example, instead of reacting to your dog’s anxious barking with frustration, pause, take a breath, and respond in a measured way. Remember that dogs are highly attuned to our body language, tone, and subtle physiological shifts. Staying regulated in these moments can reduce the intensity of the situation and give your dog a better chance to recover. This back-and-forth process is called co-regulation—our ability to influence each other’s stress responses in real time.

The Bigger Picture

The connection between our anxiety and our dogs’ behavior isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness. When we notice the role our bodies, thoughts, and daily choices play, we open the door to changing our experience in this world for the better. And when we support our dogs with the same consistency, curiosity, and compassion it can create a much more harmonious relationship despite the very real challenges that you are faced with together. 

Ready to Improve Your Relationship with Your Dog?

If this resonates with you, chances are you’re looking for more than quick tips. You want lasting change—for yourself and your dog. That’s exactly what I help my clients create through personalized coaching.

👉 Apply to Work with me  to build calm, connection, and confidence—for both ends of the leash.

Check out the full podcast interview with licensed therapist Kelly McCullough