Are You a Control Freak?

1. Learning is personal.
2. Behavior is personal.
3. Feelings are personal.

To have someone else try to change these things in you can feel really violating and uncomfortable when you're not voluntarily participating. The same is true for your dog. How controlling of us to think we have the right to control another living being's experience without their voluntary participation?

This is why I love to teach dogs and their owners how to communicate in a way that creates agency, predictability, and fun!

In my years of working with dogs and their humans, I often see a common theme: people, in their desire to have the perfect dog, can become controlling. They micromanage every behavior, insisting that their dog responds immediately, flawlessly, and in the exact way they expect. Sound familiar?

But here’s the thing—just like humans, dogs need room to explore, learn, and even make mistakes. It’s in those moments of freedom where real learning happens. When we control too much, we strip away the dog’s ability to make choices, which creates stress, anxiety, and a breakdown in the trust between you and your dog.

Letting Go of Control: What Does It Look Like?

I often ask my clients: Are you trying to control your dog’s every move, or are you creating a relationship where you and your dog understand each other? There’s a big difference. Training doesn’t have to be about dominating your dog—it’s about giving them the tools to make the right decisions on their own.

By allowing your dog some choice in how they navigate the world, you're empowering them to feel more secure and confident. This leads to a happier, more emotionally regulated companion who can enjoy the learning process instead of feeling pressured.

So, How Can You Start?

1. Focus on communication, not control.
   Your dog’s behavior is a form of communication. Instead of focusing on correcting every "wrong" move, ask yourself: What is my dog trying to tell me?

2. Celebrate the small wins.
   When your dog makes a choice you approve of, reward them for it! Positive reinforcement creates an environment of trust and mutual respect when you start noticing all the good choices too.

3. Create opportunities for autonomy.
   Instead of constantly guiding your dog’s every step, allow them room to make choices, even small ones like which route to take on your walk. This builds confidence and reinforces their ability to problem-solve.

Final Thoughts

Being a "control freak" with your dog might feel like it’s helping, but in the long run, it creates more stress for both of you. Let go of the need to micromanage, and focus on building a relationship based on communication, trust, and respect. You'll find that when you do, your dog becomes even more responsive and eager to engage with you—not out of fear or control, but because they want to.